3 Options to Start a Family | Trans Edition

What feels like a "very" far-away dream for some often becomes time for reality. If you're looking to be a parent and feel you have a solid foundation of love and resources for them, this is an EXCITING TIME! It's one of the greatest honors that many LGBTQ+ members feel is out of reach, either due to finances or knowing the how.

Let me tell you that having a family is 100% possible because as a transman I am also a father to my beautiful child. There are many paths to parenthood for transguys and nonbinary friends assigned female at birth. Let's take a look:

1. Pregnancy as a Trans Man

If you're okay with pausing your testosterone hormone replacement therapy and carrying a child is something you've wanted, then this could be for you! You'll need to talk with your doctor to consider any medical risks in your specific situation. Also, consider that this can be an emotional time to experience the change in hormones and a therapist is something I'd strongly consider.

Since most of the world is still educating themselves on what it’s like to be transgender in today's society, it's important to research LGBTQ-friendly OB-GYNs in your local area. To find trusted facilities, consider searching online forums and groups as well to have a personal referral.

2. Partner Carrying The Baby

If your partner is open to carrying the baby, using a sperm donor program from a trusted bank is an excellent option. You can search through a list of donors that have specific attributes listed and even optional handwriting, audio files, and/or a message from the donor. This is the option I chose, and I decided to search for traits I wanted to see of myself in my daughter. Like since I've got curly brown hair, I searched for someone with curly brown hair that was as close to my build as possible. 

Another option available to you is IVF - standing for invitro-fertilisation, which is "a medical procedure that involves fertilizing an egg with sperm outside the body (in vitro) and then transferring the resulting embryo into the uterus". Basically they collect a number of eggs from you in one cycle, then fertilize the egg in the lab with the sperm donor of choice. The fertilized egg is then placed into the uterus of the carrying partner. This way the egg can be from you as a transguy, and then your partner can carry your fertilized egg. Many cisgender couples use this technique when facing infertility and find success this way.

3. Adoption & Fostering

If you feel called to love those children who don’t have the luxury of parents to care for them, there are so many adoption agencies that can help match you with the child in need that’s the best match for you. Research LGBTQ+ - friendly agencies in your area and see what the process looks like for more info!

This method has a more strict process that includes home studies and lots of paperwork to be completed. This isn't necessarily a fast process usually and that's something to keep in mind for your own personal timeline needs.

Take a More Active Role in the Children’s Lives Around You

Often we see people around us lacking in their parental roles. While we must not judge them for what they're going through, someone does need to be sure that the child's needs are being met. Often this role falls onto one parent or even the grandparent and this is where you can help.

It's not always a cut-and-dry decision and it can take time to figure out what your next step will be. In the meantime, show up for those kids who need help around you. Do they need help practicing their sport or instrument? Are they always in clothes too small? Do they ever go out to the park and just run to get their energy out? Maybe a picnic would make their week.

You can also reach out to your local kid sports programs to volunteer in those programs!

Everyone Deserves a Family

There is no right or wrong way to create your family. While it's important to be prepared, no matter how you decide to build your family, it's valid and you are worthy of it and the unconditional love.

Ps. Here are some additional resources for you to contact if you’re in crisis or need:

Transgender people in crisis should contact the following resources: 

• The Trevor Project‘s 24/7/365 Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) or TrevorChat, their online instant messaging option, or TrevorText, a text-based support option. If you are looking for peer support, you can visit TrevorSpace from anywhere in the world.

• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255)

• Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860

About the Author: Aaron Capener

Hey new friend! I’m a transgender content creator and media business owner in a small town in Tennessee. I feel especially called to share my experiences to help other people learn how to also live their lives as their most authentic selves. I’ve been on testosterone since 2017, had top surgery in 2023 and have been using these experiences to share guidance with those in need around me. Married, and now a father, I’m so thankful to have made it to the place in my life I thought was impossible to reach. And now I’m ready to help others achieve the same happiness that everyone is worthy of.