7 Tips Dating as a Transguy w/ Cisgender Person

Single and ready to mingle? Committed and want to improve your relationship? Explaining how you feel to someone who hasn't experienced what you feel can be daunting. How do you know what they're going to say? What will they say? How do you share something you have a hard time experiencing? Whether you trust this person 100% or just meet them, it can be emotionally and physically scary to say "Here's how I truly feel…" in today's society. But I can help. I'm a married transman to my beautiful wife and I've learned a few tips on my way to this destination I never thought was possible.

Here are 7 tips to help you navigate dating as a transguy with a cisgender person.

1, Confide in Them About Your Dysphoria

Dysphoria is a personal experience that looks different for every transgender person. When dating as a trans guy or transgender person in general, it's important you can be honest with your partner and that doesn't always mean positive things. But it's important for you to feel safe and likely if they are a serious contender, they want to know that.

Also, share what DOES help! Include what makes you feel confident too and things that do to help in hard moments.

2, Set Boundaries Early

When you're spending more and more time with someone in an intimate way, it's important for both you and your partner or prospect that you communicate your boundaries with them whether this be physical actions that trigger your dysphoria or trauma—verbiage, emotional, etc.

They are learning about your experience and they only can understand if we try to communicate that the best we can. It's not always easy to put into words, but it doesn't have to be a long story either. Just be clear and concise and as you grow  your relationship you may feel more comfortable opening up more.

3, Ask Questions About Their Feelings

This may be your partner's first experience being with a transgender person and someone who loves you will want to learn about your experiences. Your partner or date might have questions or feelings of their own that might need to be addressed too. While this feels harder for you, you never know how they might be feeling. They may be nervous because they don't know much about it and want to be respectful and are just learning! Be open to how they feel and remember to have empathy the other way around too.

4, Educate Without Pressure

Share with them without expectation or pressure for them to do these things immediately. This is a process and they may be processing it on their own - even if they don't share that right away. 

Encourage them to research on their own! Free and easy support groups of all kinds exist for both trans people and allies. Even as specific as "Partners of Transfolks" where they can talk to other people going through the same kind of relationships!

5, Talk About Family Dynamics

Another step to consider in a relationship is the family. Whether they're close or estranged, it's important to know how the reaction may be if your relationship gets serious enough to meet the family! Dating as a transguy may be a lot for their parents to process at first, but I've found awesome support in my wife's family. Some family members may not respond well and it's important to keep in mind to be sensitive of them telling their family. In many instances, this is their family's first experience hearing that their child might be with an LGBTQIA+ person.

6, Future Plans?

So you're getting serious about this person huh? It may soon be time to bring up what you want your future to look like. Do you see yourself getting married? Do you envision a family? Share what you feel comfortable and safe sharing. This is important for both you and the other person to know what you are looking for in a partner and in the future.

7, Appreciate Them

Be one thousand percent sure to thank them. Those who love us and truly want to understand how we are feeling, are diamonds and deserve to be treated as such. It may be excruciating to talk about these things as they aren't always the easiest conversations. But please know they are trying to understand what it's like for you dating as a transguy and their effort must be appreciated.

It is possible to find someone who will love you for who you are - even if it feels like a load of BS right now. It may seem lightyears away or like it's NEVER going to happen. But it is. That is a lie. You are loveable. You are worthy of someone's love. You deserve to be happy and live your life to the absolute fullest.

Ps. Here are some additional resources for you to reach out if you’re in need:

Transgender people in crisis should contact the following resources: 

• The Trevor Project‘s 24/7/365 Lifeline at 866-4-U-TREVOR (866-488-7386) or TrevorChat, their online instant messaging option, or TrevorText, a text-based support option. If you are looking for peer support, you can visit TrevorSpace from anywhere in the world.

• The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (8255)

• Trans Lifeline at 877-565-8860

About the Author: Aaron Capener

Hey new friend! I’m a transgender content creator and media business owner in a small town in Tennessee. I feel especially called to share my experiences to help other people learn how to also live their lives as their most authentic selves. I’ve been on testosterone since 2017, had top surgery in 2023 and have been using these experiences to share guidance with those in need around me. Married, and now a father, I’m so thankful to have made it to the place in my life I thought was impossible to reach. And now I’m ready to help others achieve the same happiness that everyone is worthy of.